u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
