You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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