we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
