I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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