3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
