This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
