this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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