she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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