Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
