Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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