If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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