Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
