that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
