i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
