There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
