Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
