if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Where is the hickey?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
