I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
