My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
