Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
