your parents love me but you hate me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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