Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
