shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
