4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
