I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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