Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's rum buckets o'clock
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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