I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
