whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
