I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
