Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
