I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
