I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
