feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize