I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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