Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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