We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
