you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
