Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
