Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
