Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
