oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
