just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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