im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
