I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am never drinking with the goths again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
