Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
