We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
