There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
