I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
