What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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