We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
