i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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