Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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