let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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