I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
