Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
