Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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