Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
