watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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