Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Acid is not a monday night drug
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
