Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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