On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
