a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
