some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
