dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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