Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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