Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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