The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
