I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
