Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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