i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize