Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
