I accidentally burped into my bong.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
