I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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