i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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