Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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